


the rain

by nesii



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, M/M, Oneshot, Sad, af, joshler - Freeform, joshler oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:39:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9309824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nesii/pseuds/nesii
Summary: the rain is light, then soft, then the only thing making it faster.





	

**Author's Note:**

> major tw; suicide

    when i first see him, it’s peaceful. the day’s quiet and dismal, rain steadily coming from the clouds and landing in a light shower. he doesn’t mind it, though. neither of us do. he looks ethereal. i think i must be seeing things. he’s sitting in the damp grass, his head pointed to the sky and his eyes squeezed shut. the rain masks his tears i could tell were streaming. he’s beautiful. i’m in love, right away. at this second, i know. i know i’ve fallen. fast and far. the feeling in my chest is painful and lovely at the same time, so i walk. i fight off the anxiety droning on constantly in the back of my head and walk. when i get closer, i see how broken he looks. his eyes are puffy, his eye sockets sunken in a bit. he looks miserable, and beautiful. i stand by him with my arms crossed, the rain gradually flattening my curly hair down and running down my face. he’s clutching a book as if it’s his life-line, and it looks old. tattered. thrown. i’m pretty sure i see blood in the shape of fingertips and splotches that i can make out as tears, wrinkling the already worn pages. and when he opens his eyes...my god. i’m in heaven. he looks up at me with a watery smile, rubbing the tears away from his red eyes with his hand. “hi.” i mumble, my hands in my pockets now. he just keeps smiling, gazing up at me with surprise in his eyes as if everything was dark and i’m just..a sudden light. which i am, i guess. i’m the only one out here. he’s bright to me, too. blinding, really. he has the kind of posture that anybody could recognize, and the expression of someone who really just wanted help, but was too afraid to voice it. i sit down with

a shy smile, his own lips turning up even more as he looks down at the grass and plays with his hands. i sigh quietly, going to pull my jacket hood up before stopping halfway through. i slowly drop my hands, realizing that i didn’t really mind the rain. it felt good. it felt real. see--i have problems with reality. it’s rare that i ever feel in control of my body. but he makes me feel unbearably real. he makes me feel everything at once. love. regret. the weight of my burdens and muscles on my aching bones. “so..i guess it got to be too much again, huh?” i chuckle quietly, and he nods. i glance at the cross around his neck, and then his neck in general, and then just him. he has clean skin, free of ink, and a light tan. he probably plays sports. i wish i could stare at him longer. he catches my eye, clearing his throat.

“tyler,” i start, taking a deep breath.

“i know it’s hard. this..feeling, yeah? you feel hopeless. uh, miserable even.”

he’s staring at me now.

“it’s not, though. it’s hard, i know.” my voice is hoarse. i don’t talk much.

“you don’t even know me. you don’t even know who i am. but i watch you, tyler. i see the way you carry yourself and look like you regret having to do that.” i swallow hard, trying to word it right. some people say i’m to straight forward. that i talk like a stalker. “but i’m here for you. seriously. everyone-everyone calls me crazy. i think i am sometimes. but i’m someone to talk to.” i finish, clearing my throat with a sigh. he nods a bit, clutching his book tightly.

tyler listens to the bell ringing, standing up with a quiet sigh. he looks upset, but...lighter. like i just lifted a weight off of his shoulders. he’s smiling, actually. so am i. he walks back into the woods. so do i.  

**  
**

when i last see him, it’s peaceful. the day’s quiet and dismal, rain steadily coming from the clouds and landing in a brisk shower. the sky’s dark. it’s late. i can’t breathe. i’m running quickly through the forest, and it’s all passing by in a blur of tree limbs and vines that occasionally scratch my ankles. my lungs are on fire, barely giving me any oxygen other than what i need to stay conscious. i keep running and running for what seems like hours. i keep going. it hurts. but i keep going. and then i stop. i stop in a clearing. i stop where we first met. it’s flooded, a puddle pooled up in the middle where we’d sat down so much it made a dent in the earth. the pool is tinted red. and i’m too late, i’m almost positive. i see him laying in a pipe drain with one of his arms lulled out to the side, and he looks spaced out. i’m crying, i think. the rain’s been so constant it’s made my face go numb. i shakily approach him, and he tilts his head to the side ever so slightly. he’s smiling at me. i shake my head and return his smile, sitting down in the pipe beside him and curling him into a ball. “tyler? stay awake, alright?” i whisper, and he nods scarcely. “i’m scared, josh.” he mumbles his words slurred together. i make myself stay calm, even though the already dark atmosphere is getting blacker than black the longer i force myself to stay awake. i tug at my soaked t-shirt, pulling it over my head with a shaky sigh. i pick up the razor laying in the pipe and cut at the fabric, creating a makeshift bandage. i gently pick up tyler’s wrist, his eyes getting duller as i wrap it tightly around his arm and the white instantly turns red. “hurts.” he mumbles. i nod, gently brushing tyler’s hair back as i sit down beside him. i already called the cops “tyler, you need’a talk to me” i whisper, earning a small nod as he leans into me. “i know” he shrugs, licking his chapped lips. tyler gazes up at the moon, his head tilting again. i can tell he’s fighting it off. “i don’t wanna die.” he whispers, bursting into quiet sobs that were mingled with miserable laughter. “and i don’t wanna live.” he adds, his hand gripping mine loosely. he’s numb. i know it all too well. i nod, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “it’s gonna get better, tyler” i sigh, but it comes out as a promise. “i’m gonna make it get better. you’re gonna go for a while, ty. but after that, i’m gonna take you on a trip.” i smile, his own lips turning up weakly. i hear the faint sounds of sirens, gazing over at him. he doesn’t look like he wants to move. he probably doesn’t. i know that being on the verge of slipping away feels so relieving. “i love you.” tyler whispers, his pupils wide and still dull. “i love you too, tyler. we gotta go.” he nods. i put an arm behind his back and another under his knees, hauling him out of the pipe. he instantly presses his face into my chest, still forcing his eyes open as well as he could. i hum quietly, forcing my own heartrate not to be too noticably fast. i start running again, tyler clinging onto me like his life depended on it. it did. i gotta be faster. faster. faster. i can’t breathe again. i keep running, running running until the sirens get closer and we come out of the forest. a man is there, his eyes wide with alarm and fear as he saw tyler. we exchange a few words, and then i let him go. the paramedics rush him into the ambulance, his eyes finally fluttering shut as they laid him down.

****

****

and to this day, i wish i could’ve ran faster. 

****

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End file.
